Squeak's Luck

[iamthejam]

As my new policy on the site, I shall offer you my review of your accepted fanfic here on the board. This is why I used your story.

Wonderful writing skills. It was an easy read that required very little touch-up, counting the intentional spelling mistakes of some of the swear words. I did have to go over and add in some speech tags in places as it made for a bit of confusion, but that was definitely one of the easiest submissions from a new writer I've used. I appreciate that.

Good canonization. Well in character, good dialogue. I especially liked this part:

"All right dude. We got enough..." Coop came back in the room to see Remer and Camilla making out on the bed. "Remer!"

"Huh? Sorry, dude." Remer got up and put the pictures in his pocket. "Uh, thanks a lot, Camilla." He handed her some money.

"See you at the usual time, Remer?" She pulled on her top and took the money.

"Yeah." He kissed her cheek before she departed. He turned to see Coop staring at him. "What?"

And...


"Dude, what the fuck?! You fucked Britney Kiser, the girl I had been after since high school?! As soon as we won the BASEketball championship game, I was finally gonna fulfill my fantasy of showing off the Beers trophy to her and then fuck her while she fed me Taco Bell. You fucked me out my dream!"


Good detail. Can picture everything as it's described. However, I feel you lack speech tags and sometimes it's difficult to tell who's saying what. So definitely work on that. But all in all, great fucking story.

[SakiSaki]

Er, this might be a stupid question, but what's canonization? I looked up a definition, and got:

"the act of admitting a deceased person into the canon of saints."

Is there another definition I'm missing?

[treyismysexybitch]

I haven't had a chance to read the story yet...but I'm glad there's a new writer at my favorite website. ;D

[iamthejam]

It's a term used in fanfic for when you get things well in character. It's cannon.

[SakiSaki]

Ah, I did another search for it with a fanfiction glossary and got this:

"An adjective referring to a character, event, plotline, etc. which happened "for real" -- the actual professional source material."

Learn sometin' new every day.

[Jen]

However, I feel you lack speech tags and sometimes it's difficult to tell who's saying what. So definitely work on that.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Besides slamming that every good story needs "Details, details, details!" in my head, my former writing teacher told us that we didn't need to put the dialogue followed by "he/she said". I guess what he said DID rub off me. Hmph.

Thanks again for the review and for putting it on your site.

[iamthejam]

I don't think they're necessary with EVERY piece of dialogue. I find them less necessary when the conversation goes on between two people, and the story has established which two people, who spoke first so you can guage when who says what from then on, but to definitely throw them in once in a while during a long conversation between two people to give the readers a chance to form the emotion in their speech and to be reminded again whose turn it was to speak. I've read books where the conversation was nothing but dialogue; no description of emotion, action between words and who was the one speaking, and I found them really confusing and easy to lose track of what's going on. And I've read them where there was OVERUSE of speech tags, and sometimes nothing but "he/she said" to complete the sentence, and that gets really annoying after a while. So I like to space them out, couple them with some description of either action or emotion in the words and I believe it allows the reader to form the tone of words into their minds more clearly.

Sometimes it's good to preceed dialogue with who's speaking. Like when you decide to detail surprise, to maybe write something like:

As soon as Bob heard the words "I'm pregnant," he spun around quickly to face her, and with apall in his eyes, he cried, "You're what?"


You get the idea. However, I don't want you to get me wrong in thinking I'm trying to offer writing advise. I'm simply explaining my motives and position for the style I write in. Speech tags aren't a bad thing, but it can be tricky. I read somewhere that the word "said" is a word that can be used over and over and not get annoying. And I've read in other places that sometimes using them unnecessarily gets repetitive with readers. I guess you just do what feels right to you and don't worry too much about the principals of a writing teacher who may have his own ideas about them. I think it's pretty much an individual preference.

[SakiSaki]

I do it pretty much like Vaughn, I think. I add a he/she said every few lines of dialogue (approximately) to remind the reader who's saying what, but I try not to overdo it. I think every character should have their own voice anyway, to further avoid confusion.

[iamthejam]

It seems rather irresponsible to the writing teacher to tell his students they aren't necessary. That's confusing. They aren't ALWAYS necessary, but I'd definitely say they were for the most part. That just gives them the idea that not necessary means not at all. You wind up with very unclear reading material that way.

Bad show, old man! Bad show!

[Jen]

I'm just glad the class is over.
{shuddering as memories come back}

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